Everything has a heartbeat.

You need to know that:

(a) The Man and The Woman just met on the beach.
(b) The Man is middle-aged, hairy, plump.
(c) The Woman is tan, cute, bikini-clad, very pregnant.
(d) Inside The Woman's belly is a fish, not a baby.
(f) This is lifted from a bigger thing written to make a friend chuckle.

EXT. BEACH - AFTERNOON

The Man builds a sandcastle besides his towel. Just as he goes to add a finishing flourish, it collapses. He stares at the mess. Finally, he stands up, jettisons his sunnies.

MAN
Water is wet.

The woman looks puzzled. Finally, she twigs:

WOMAN
The twat thing? I'm sorry. I
get emotional. I'm pregnant.

MAN
No -- I meant, I'm going in now,
into the wet water. Coming?

WOMAN
Oh! Yes! When the time is right.

MAN
No time like the now, McNell.

WOMAN
Ha, easy to say when you don't have
nine months of blood and bone and
life pooling in your goddamn belly.

MAN
Nine months?

She nods.

MAN (CONT'D)
No way.

More nods.

MAN (CONT'D)
You're at the beach at nine months?
This isn't even a good beach.

WOMAN
I have my reasons.

MAN
But --

WOMAN
It just feels right, okay? Not a
whole lot feels right these days,
but this... this is appropriate.

The man is silenced.

WOMAN (CONT'D)
Look, it's okay, I don't expect
you to deliver it or anything.
That's what I brought a mobile for.

She indicates her mobile. After a moment:

MAN
Can I have your number?

WOMAN
(reflexively)
No!
(revised)
We'll see.

They share a coy smile. The man can't hold it, looks away.

MAN
Boy or girl?

WOMAN
That's not really my concern.
There's genetic issues.

MAN
Oh, well, for what it's worth, my
brother has Down Syndrome, and
he's lived a very full, rewarding life.

WOMAN
(short pause)
Thank you. That's very reassuring.

The man nods.

MAN
I'm going in. If you change your
mind, look for the pregnant man.

He draws a maternal hand to his paunch. She chuckles. He walks off. Halfway there, he scuttles back to her.

MAN
Look, I'm sorry, this is weird... I've
been talking to you and the whole time
you've had your sunnies on. They're
great sunnies -- steel alloy? -- but...

The woman takes off her sunnies.

MAN
(taken aback)
Thanks.

The man looks into her eyes -- they are turquoise, the colour of the ocean.

MAN
(softly)
Wow.

She smiles. He looks down shyly.

MAN
Also, do you think --

WOMAN
Sure.

She smiles, prods her belly out a little. The Man bends down and gently, so gently, caresses it -- all sound cuts out, save for the underwater slush of fluid cycling through her belly. His brows furrow. He lets go and the sound returns.

MAN
It's got no heartbeat.

WOMAN
Yes it does.

MAN
But I couldn't feel anything.

WOMAN
Of course it has a heartbeat.
Everything has a heartbeat.

The Man shrugs, acquiescent. He heads for the water.

WOMAN (CONT'D)
(belated)
Bye!

The man doesn't hear.

WOMAN (CONT'D)
I said, bye!

Doesn't hear her. She looks after him. He enters the water. She finally reclines. The sun beats down onto her bulge.